Disconnected thoughts

In the space between the in and out of your breathing machine, I hear
the sound of What Love Is.

I beg you to open your eyes; you squeeze them tighter.
Your hand is still in mine.

I pace the halls and wonder, which one of us is really dying? Which
one of us is already dead?

One foot in front of the other, back and forth, the dying and the dead.

Thursday (I think)

Just ate the greasiest breakfast in the history of time. Oh Texas.

I only leave her room for the three hours she gets her blood
treatment, because you know how I am about blood treatments.

Things are looking a bit better from yesterday, there is nothing to do
but wait and hope at this point, which is a horrible place to be in.

You hope you win the lottery. You hope the train is on time. You hope
that H&M has that coat in your size.
You don't hope that your mom magically wakes up and doesn't die.
And really what I mean by that is, I feel like this should be pinned
to something beyond just hope.

She's been in the ICU for over a week now. She has 9 different
doctors. This is the year 2008, where we can clone things and shoot
rich people into space and repair cleft palates and whiten teeth
overnight. So why in the fuck can't someone fix this? It's not cancer,
it's not AIDS, it's not any obscure and uncureable disease.
I just don't get it, and unfortunately, it seems like there are no
answers to be had.

Hanging in there..

It definitely speaks volumes about my roots/upbringing that my idea of
comfort food is chips & salsa, chile rellenos, enchiladas suizas,
tacos and margaritas. Preferably served on a plastic table with tejano
playing in the background.

i went to the hospital

my mom isn't doing well.

and that is all there is be said.

Home, again.

Somewhere between NY and GA I realized I've done more flying in the
last 8 months than I have in the last 8 years.

It's almost 6 here; I've been on a place since 9:40 (cst) this
morning. The night is typical Texas winter... Cloudy, cool, a bit of a
breeze. From the morning I left up north, though, this is shorts and
tank top weather (a fellow traveler who must be a first-timer is
echoing my sentiments loudly nearby). It's lovely, even if the reason
I'm seeing it is horrible.

My mom isn't doing well, in fact I found out yesterday she isn't even
considered stable. I got on the very first plane I possibly could, I
didn't pack, I didn't brush my teeth, I didn't do anything except fill
a backpack with things to do at the hospital.

I somewhat optimistically booked a return flight for Thursday.
Hopefully I'll be able to make it, and return to new york with good
news.

Oh sweet tree

Last night was a bizarre girls' night out that included jess, a drunk
andrea and a random punk girl. We went to wmsburg, which I'm ashamed
to admit I'm kinda falling in love with.
It was a good (if early) night, and on my way home I was on the L with
Kristen Schaal, fuck yes.
At like 3 am a drunken lesbian and her friend scared the shit out of
me by crawling into my bed, and it was so much like 2003 that I
thought I was dreaming. (I wasn't)

Yes, I AM making fun of you!

We were excited to find out that the $3 we had this morning has
suddenly become $10!
Where oh where to spend it? We want salty pistachio soft serve from
Momofuku Bakery + Milk Bar, but instead we're going to be responsible...

...and spend it on booze.