back to black

dear Amy,

I hope you are finally able to find some peace.

I keep thinking back to that spring night so many years ago, when we stared at each other across a bar at a party. I noticed your tattoos first. And then I was amazed at how small you were. And also, how low-key: a simple green shirt and a pair of jeans. No dramatic eyeliner, no beehive. No hysterics, no drunken antics. Just a quiet girl looking for a drink. Something like me.

You were looking at me and probably just wondering why I was staring.

When I first moved to NYC, in those rough first few months, I only had Back to Black on my Ipod. In a way, you were my truest friend during that time. With me on the subway, when I got lost in the city, with me as I sat alone in the park, with me as I fell asleep.

There are a lot of people saying a lot of things about you, as they do. I just feel sorry to have lost you, and wish you well.

We'll always have the fall of 2008.

My brain is the weak heart; my heart is the long stairs

damaged bad at best

Oh, I always want to listen to the Microphones around this time of year. Unfortunately I'm without real live computer access, so I have to make due with the Back to Black (winehouse) and Z (mmj) that I have on my iphone.

It's been a rough three weeks.

I've had two-- that's right, two!-- nervous breakdowns this week.

Just trying to be a good-hearted and healthy, whole adult human being, and am discovering bit by bit that perhaps I don't have the equipment?